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Think your cat is harmless? Just an animal? Just a family friend? Listen to my story, and judge for yourself. Oh, and by the way, you may want to remove Fluffy from your lap while reading this; he may catch a glimpse and get ideas of his own.

Being the softhearted person that I am, I fell in love with a homeless, skinny tomcat from my local Animal Protection League. He looked so kind, so helpless.  What choice did I have? I had to take him home. What real harm can a cat cause anyway??   

My husband and I recently achieved one of the goals most people strive for.  We purchased our first home. So now we have two point five children, a dog, and now a cat.  Finally! Living part of the American dream! Perfect!  Or, perhaps I should say Purr-fect? 

I have now realized we didn’t do any of this for ourselves.  We did it for our cat. Remember that sweet, helpless stray? (I believe the cat act may only be a ploy to make me believe he really is a cat and not an alien in guise set on world domination.)

I named the newest furry member of our family Hunter. Due to the fact that within his first twenty-four hours in our home, he proved to be quite apt at rodent termination, it seemed rather appropriate.  However, I found under his food bowl this morning what appeared to be a ransom note.  It said my new sleigh bed would be turned into a scratching post if his name were not changed officially to “Boss” and, it reminded me I had not straightened the blankets yet this morning and it was approaching his nap time.  This unnerved me a bit. 

He’s also decided he would be the hairdresser of the house.  While I attempted to place pony tales in my daughter’s hair, he pounced on the fluffy hair ties and carried them away.  It looked deceptively cute, but I know otherwise.  These things always start little. Perhaps it’s payback for that whole neutering thing; maybe he’s upset about putting on those few extra pounds since the “procedure”. 

I even noticed my dog acting differently.  Whenever Boss enters a room, the dog stops whatever she’s doing, even eating, and leaves.  It too me two years just to teach the dog to come when called, what powers does this “cat” hold??

My children have succumbed to his hypnotism, they spend hours brushing him, making little cardboard houses for him, and begging me to buy kitty treats at the grocery store. Even my husband, the “I don’t like cats” man has resigned that his home, bed and his lap belong to Hunter. OUCH! STOP! CLAWS! I MENT BOSS! I MENT BOSS!

Hunt…. I mean Boss is watching me right now. Yes, there he is, looking nonchalant, eyeing me. I think he’s sizing me up, trying to decide if he can take me out or not.  He must have decided my computer chair belongs to him as well; I’ll have to type quickly. I’m not completely sure, but I believe he just winked at me.

Herein lies my warning, I found him lying on the keyboard earlier.  It all looked innocent enough, but I’m not so sure.  I think he may have been emailing his co-hearts in crime, getting ready to execute the full coup on my home.  Be forewarned, keep your “cat” away from your computer, I’m not sure how extensive Boss’s address book is, he may have already been in contact with your keeper, umm… I mean cat.

While my home is already in the late stages of takeover, maybe, just maybe, we can prevent it from happening to you.